Princess in Training

"To marry a prince, you must first become a princess. To marry into royalty, you must be appropriately prepared ... Is it any wonder that a heavenly princess must prepare inwardly for the calling to which she will give her life? As you set your attention on developing godly character, Christ will change you into the beautiful princess He created you to be."

I know what some of you are thinking ... the whole princess concept is quite dated, somewhat childish, and overly dramatic, but hear me out. I'm not talking about some Disney princess who is stupid enough to bite into an apple from a complete stranger (I mean, come on, didn't anyone ever tell her not to accept candy from strangers?) or some snobby, rich girl who gets everything she could ever want plus more. NO, I am talking about the daughters of the KING OF KINGS. When we are born into the kingdom, we become co-heirs with Christ, we are the sons and daughters of the KING. Did you hear that clearly? We are princes and princesses of our Heavenly Father who sits on the throne of grace. Don't you see ... no matter how cliche this all sounds, it brings me great joy and hope. As a princess of the King of Kings, I want to make Him proud and have him look at me one day and say, "well done, my princess."

The other day I was eating lunch with a dear friend who has always inspired me to follow harder after Christ. She always has this Godly wisdom to share, and God always uses her to clarify things in my walk with Him. As we shared about our respective summer trips and our freakishly similar struggles, she told me how God is working in her life and ways she is growing closer to Him. She told me she is taking each aspect of the definition of love one month at a time. For example, she is working on patience this month (God bless her for that one! haha!), and next month she will focus on kindness. I know God has put her friendship in my life for a reason, and I deeply respect and admire her for her passion for Christ. When she was telling me about this plan, it made me think about this fourth chapter of Lady in Waiting. She is truly a "Lady of Virtue."

"Are you becoming a virtuous woman that a man may need as a helpmate? Are you using these days to develop godliness in order that, if asked, you will be ready? Whether you marry or not, every woman should seek the virtues of Christlikeness."

Like a true friend, she has inspired me to start a quest of my own. I'm going to take the fruits of the spirit and divide them up over this school year (starting in September) to seek the virtues of Christlikeness.

"It is the Holy Spirit, not [me], who produces the godly character [I] seek. These pearls of character are listed in Galations 5:22-23 as '... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control...' As these qualities develop, [my] life will become more like a beautiful necklace strung with pearls of godly character."

I want my life to more closely reflect the image of Christ, and I know there is no better way than to start on this journey of becoming the princess of God. My prayer is that God uses this for His glory and His glory alone.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Learning to Love,
Jenna

The Pursuit of God

What would happen if we all pursued God the same way we pursue earthly relationships? I mean when I really think about this, it blows my mind. What if I craved God-time the way I do people time? OR even better ... what if I longed for and desired God as much as I long for and desire a husband and kids? What if my entire day/week/life revolved around staying up late to talk to God, chatting all throughout the day, and anticipating each and every conversation? I think about this a lot. What if I treat Christ as my heavenly bridegroom and pour my love and attention on Him as if we were in an intimate relationship? How glorious would life be if I pursued God the way I pursue a relationship.

I've been reading A.W. Tozer's book, "The Pursuit of God," and I must say that it has been truly enlightening. If you haven't read it, you should. For the past 10 years or so of my life I have refused to read books in the Christian living section in bookstores which I perceived as "self-help" books. The way I saw it, I had the only "self-help" book I needed ... the Bible. Over the past year, God has shown me that although the Bible is the most important book ever and should be top priority on my reading list, He does use His followers to impart the wisdom that He has so graciously bestowed on them. There have been so many times in my life that I thought that I was the only person going through the fire, drowning in the waves, or struggling to take another breath, yet there is a network of believers out there who have sruggled with the same thing and want to help others see God's face through the flames, the waves, and the darkness. There are things in my life that I haven't even realized that were hindering my relationship with God until it was pinpointed as certain things leading to problems in someone else's life. Anyway, needless to say, I have become a huge fan of these "Christian Living" books.

Back to "The Pursuit of God" ... I deeply respect and admire people who are good with words especially since I am not one of those people, so I love when people can make sense of things that I can't fully wrap my mind around ... this is how I see A.W. Tozer. He just has this way with words, and the things that I have always wanted to say, he says so eloquently and perfectly.

"When religion has said its last word, there is little that we need other than God Himself. The evil habit of seeking God-and effectively prevents us from finding God in full revelation. In the 'and' lies our great woe. If we omit the 'and' we shall soon find God, and in Him we shall find that for which we have all our lives been securely longing. We need not fear that in seeking God only we may narrow our lives or restrict the motions of our expanding hearts. The opposite is true. We can well afford to make God our All, to concentrate, to sacrifice the many for the One."

I want to run in full pursuit of God with no distractions. I am going to pursue God like a man pursues water in the desert. I must pursue God with all of my heart.

Learning to love,
Jenna

Grace for the Moment

Meet my four best friends ... Fear, Worry, Anxiety, and Stress. They have been my closest companions since childhood, and I remember exact moments in my life when I met my friends.

Let's see ... I met Fear at the early age of 6 right after my family moved to Grenada. We were living in our rental house on Carroll Street which was already a creepy house as it was, but shortly after we moved in, my brother decided it was a good idea to make me watch Chucky a.k.a. Child's Play. This is the first time I remember becoming so close to my friend, Fear, and unfortunately, he has clung to my side ever since. He followed me into my adolescence, my preteen and teen years, and even into my young adulthood. He still likes to linger around corners, and he never seems to get tired of hanging around me.

I met Worry quite a few times before this one particular moment, but the first time Worry and I became friends was in 8th grade when my parents told me that my mom was having tests run to confirm their suspicions of colon cancer or Crohn's disease. Worry accompanied me into one of the worst encounters of my life. Worry held my hand and reminded me to dwell on every worst case scenario possible. He helped me underestimate God, and in these horrifying days and weeks, we began a friendship that has grown stronger through the years.

Anxiety was an unwelcome friend around the same time as Worry, but Anxiety really caught me off guard. I was in junior high, and the time was approaching for my first Cotillion (which is a club I was in where the girls/members have to ask guys to be their dates 2 times a year). I only got in because my sister had gotten in, and had I known it would be the start of my new friendship with Anxiety, I might've declined it all together. This is when Anxiety began to whisper in my ear that I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, popular enough, or even good enough for a guy to want be my date. Anxiety knew the exact tactics to consume me.

Finally, there is my friend Stress who was and is the one who causes me the most trouble in my college years. I don't think Stress and I were very close until I graduated high school. Since then, Stress has marred almost every decision, test, and change that has come my way over the past 4 1/2 years. Stress told me that our friendship was normal and that all college students were this close. He told me that as long as I kept him close that I would be one step closer to accomplishing everything on my task list. He made me think that procrastination was actually a good idea. He has been my constant companion for far too long.

Anyway, now that I've introduced you to all of my friends, it is time for me to finally sever ties. I have held on to Fear, Worry, Anxiety, and Stress because I wasn't placing my trust in the right place. It was easier (at the time) to turn to them in all situations than to turn to God.

In Max Lucado's book "Traveling Light," he says "God isn't going to let you see the distant scene either. So you might as well quit looking for it. He promises a lamp unto our feet, not a crystal ball into the future. We do not need to know what will happen tomorrow. We only need to know he leads us and 'we will find grace to help us when we need it'(Heb. 4:16 NLT)."

Satan keeps attacking me with the "what ifs" about school, work, my nonexistent love life, and the list goes on. Over the summer, just thinking about grad school made me want to throw up, and I've already expressed my feelings about my single life. I can so easily get caught up in my same ole friends Fear, Worry, Anxiety, and Stress, OR I can choose to follow this ... "Meet today's problems with today's strength. Don't start tackling tomorrow's problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow's strength yet. You simply have enough for today." (Matthew 6:34 speaks for itself on this matter)

I am trusting that God will give me grace for the moment. I know I will be tempted to reunite with these old friends, but life is so much easier when I rely on God to give me His grace which will help me through it all. I just love the idea of God giving me His grace each and every moment. It sounds like a much more pleasant experience than good ole Fear, Worry, Anxiety, and Stress.

So long, my friends ... I'm loving God's grace for the moment way too much to even take a glimpse back over my shoulder. This is how it is supposed to be. Sweet surrender.

Learning to love,
Jenna

Truth

What is truth? Jesus says, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life." Don't you just love the truth? We don't always like to hear the truth, but ultimately, the truth sets us free. When we were little, our parents drilled in our minds to tell the truth, and no matter how much the truth might hurt to tell it or even to hear it, it breathes life into our hearts and minds. I said I wanted to be truthful about the good and the bad, so that's what I'm going to do...

This is the truth about me. Being alone scares me to death. Just thinking about spending the rest of my life with no one to share it with makes me want to cry. I fear what people will think of me if I never get married. I feel unworthy of love and inadequate. Most days I feel like something is wrong with me ... that I'm just not good enough. If I let go of my dreams of marriage and children, I'm scared I can't trust God to fulfill my heart's every desire(don't worry ... He already knows these things whether I type it out or not, so don't think this is new to Him). I'm terrified that I will have to live the single life in America with people staring at me wondering where I went wrong and pitying me for what I don't have. I fear a life spent wondering "what if" and "how come." I don't want to be the "chosen" single one who has to sit back and watch every last one of her friends find "Mr. Right." Well, that's the truth about what runs through my mind on a regular basis, but don't commit me to an insane asylum just yet ... Keep reading!

This is the truth about God. Truth. God loves me. Truth. God has a plan for me. Truth. God is the only one who can ever give me true happinesss and contentment. Truth. God is my Prince Charming(a.k.a. Prince of Peace). Truth. God will take my burdens and give me rest. Truth. God is all I ever need. Truth. God will guard my heart and mind. Truth. God will never leave me nor forsake me. Truth. God is my refuge and shelter. Truth. God will uphold me. Truth. God hears my every prayer and answers each one as well. Truth. God is a sure and steadfast anchor of my soul. Truth. God is able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine. Truth. God makes all things new. Truth. God is the Author and Perfector of my faith. Truth. God's unfailing love never ends. Truth. God is TRUTH.

Now the struggle I face is replacing my truth with God's truth. Obviously His truth is by far the better option, but it has taken me a long time to build the truth that has come to define my inner thoughts. It's not worth it anymore to dwell on my truth, because God's truth will set me free. This is what I long for the most ... that the truth of God will infiltrate every single corner of my heart and mind.

This is what I will repeat in my mind over and over again ... "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the PEACE OF GOD, which transcends all understanding, will GUARD your HEARTS and your MINDS in CHRIST JESUS. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things." Philippians 4:4-8

Learning to love,
Jenna

When God Tries to Get Your Attention

Have you ever had one of those moments when you can't figure out why you are doing what you are doing, but you go along with it becuase you know God has a purpose behind it? And only after do you figure out what God was trying to tell you? Well, if that didn't make any sense, I'm about to share my God moment for the day ...

This morning was wonderful and mostly relaxing. Kayla(my friend and teammate from this summer in EA) stayed with me at my apartment last night after we got back late from our Lousisana road trip to see friends, so I was really excited she stayed with me ... hence the reason I woke up in such a great mood. Might I also add as a sidenote that the whole waking up thing didn't even happen until 10:00am, so that makes for a great day to top everything else off. Anyway, I started getting ready for the day and said goodbye to Kayla, but I still had about an hour until I had to be at work. I sat down on my bed with my Bible and prayer journal to just spend some quality time with God. After a little while, I proceeded to finish up some last minute things before I headed out the door, and I looked down at my hand to see the book, Every Thought Captive. I was really confused by this, because I didn't remember picking it up, and I definitely didn't have time to read any of it. So naturally, I set it back down only to find it back in my hand just a few minutes later. Apparently, I was subconciously picking it up, because God wanted me to read it. I didn't have time, but I knew that God must be trying to get my attention. So I sat down to read it, and lo and behold, it was a chapter on forgiveness.

I have really been struggling with forgiveness for a very long time over something that happened a really long time ago. Someone hurt me, and I saw it as my perrogative to hold on to that unforgiveness. Little did I know how much pain I was causing myself more than anything. God has been convicting me of this for a long time, but this summer, I knew God was telling me that I had to finally forgive and let go of the pain I was holding onto. God really got my attention this morning.

"What pain do you continue to carry with you? Whose name do you cringe to hear, simply because the wound he or she inflicted on you was so deep that you feel unable to forget? Which offense do you remember so vividly that you can taste the disappointment, anger, and anguish as if it just happened?"

"In this fallen world, people WILL disappoint us. People WILL injure us. It's not a question of if as much as when. And it's also a matter of in what way and how deeply. When someone wounds us, we have one of two options. We forgive, or we don't."

"Try as we may, we cannot shrug off or forget a true offense. We can allow minor infractions to roll off our backs, but genuine heartfelt injuries do not simply go away with time. We either mentally choose to forgive, or we hang on to the pain."

For such a long time, I have been choosing to hang on to the pain, but I can't do that to myself any longer. I am choosing to forgive. I am choosing to love. I am choosing to follow hard after God.

God is doing some big things in my heart and life. Many of these things are painful and even agonizing, but I know that the fire will only make me shine brighter. BTW ... I'm referring to the refiner's fire. If you haven't heard of the process of refining silver, you should check it out. http://www.clarion-call.org/extras/malachi.htm I feel like God has me directly in the fire, but as long as His image is reflected in my life in the end then it will be totally worth every second.

In regards to my "Lady in Waiting" journey that I have been sharing about, I have had some not so good days the past week, and I want to be transparent throughout this journey. I want to show the good and the bad, but I am waiting for God to inspire me with words to truly convey the struggles I am facing in His words not my own. Satan has been attacking me nonstop since I made this committment to walking more closely at my Savior's side. He is trying to sabotage everything God is doing in my life. I'm doing my best, but some days that just doesn't seem good enough. My heart is open to and waiting ...

Learning to love (and forgive),
Jenna

Seize the Day

Do you ever lie in bed at night and just think about God and what He is thinking? Well, I do. Lately, I have been thinking about what He would say to me if I was sitting at His feet chatting with Him. I truly believe He would say,
"Jenna, why won't you just trust me? Don't you know that I have good plans for you, to prosper you not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future? If you will just trust me with your heart, you will never be disappointed or alone. If you will let go and let me fulfill your heart's every desire, there is no need to want for anything else. You are my daughter, my princess, my beloved, and I will hold you in my arms. Don't miss out on my plan for you in the here and now by dwelling on the there and then."
And at this point, He would start singing "This is the Day" in Chinese just to make me smile, because it makes me tear up just typing that, much less hearing Him say it. "This is the day that I have made, Jenna, so rejoice and be glad in it."

"Singleness is an enviable conidtion. An unmarried woman has something that a married woman gives up on her wedding day: extra time with Jesus. Too many young women waste valuable years as they wait for life to begin -- after marriage. They rarely realize the priceless free time they waste, until it is gone."

"Rather than wasting precious moments fantasizing about an earthly lover, take advantage of your free hours each day to serve the Lord of Heaven ... Your single state may not be permanent, but it definitely is not to be a comatose state until Prince Charming arrives and whisks you off to his castle. Single women are not "Sleeping Beauties" waiting for their prince to fight his way through the thorns and past the wicked witch to finally kiss them awake. That is an illusion often used by the enemy to defraud women."

"Is there an opportunity of service that you have avoided because you can't give up your "post on the castle wall" looking for your knight in shining armor?"

I don't know how or where, but I am determined to get more involved in the Lord's work. I get so caught up in my so-called "busy" life that I forget to truly look for opportunities to serve others. I want to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading in my life, and be ready at a moment's notice to jump on board with whatever He has planned.
I'm really at a loss for words tonight, so I'm taking that as God's sign for me to just shut up and stop talking. So let me end with this verse:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Col. 3:23

Learning to love,
Jenna

The Single Life

"To be involved in the simplest form of ministry may require the married woman three times as much time to accomplish, in comparison to the single woman. Although a single woman may long for the "chaos" of a family, she must not waste her time wishing for it. She must be diligent to use her single time wisely now. She has more control over her time and choices now than she will probably ever have again."

As promised, I must share the perks of being single on my family vacation. I will be honest that I wasn't looking forward to this vacation as much as everyone else was. (dear family, if you are reading this, please read all as to better understand my meaning in this entry! haha!)I mean just think about it: mother+father, brother+sister-in-law+nephews, sister+brother-in-law, AND don't forget jenna+nobody ... haha! I was not looking forward to the constant reminder of being alone and hopeless. My fam is amazing and always supportive of me in everything that I do, but of course, I am human and somewhat envious of what they all have (marriage this is).I thought that my singleness would just get under my skin all the more on this trip, but as always, God surprised me.

First of all, I got an entire bedroom to myself with my own bathroom and jacuzzi tub overlooking God's creation. The first thing i realized that I was anything but alone. I was closer to God than I ever have been. I was able to truly bask in His closeness. How precious that is. I could feel God's direction so clearly especially with starting this blog and how He wants to use it for His glory (which is really all I want out of this blog stuff!!). I had my own little mountain retreat there in our cabin. One word. Awesome.

Second of all, at Dollywood, (btw this one isn't quite as deep as the first reason, but every reason serves its purpose in reminding me that singleness is not my punishment) all of the couples took turns switching out watching the kids when we rode some of the rides, and I never had to do it due to none of the couples wanting to split up. I don't want to sound like I didn't help out with my nephews the whole day, because I love them with all of my heart and enjoy every single minute with them. I just want to make a point that this was somewhat of a perk, because I am a bit of a rollercoaster junkie.

Last of all, people who barely know me as a person usually know how much I love my nephews, because I talk about them all the time and flaunt pictures of their precious faces. As much as I love those two precious little boys, being a mother and wife is not as glamorous or fun as our minds make it out to me. Baby vomit and a crying two-year-old is enough to remind me that the single life has its rewards too. fyi ... this by no means changes one of the deepest desires of my heart to get married and have children, but in this time in my life, I am better able to understand the place God has me. "The perfect time to make the most of every opportunity is while you are single. Every believer should use time wisely, as Ephesians 5:15-17 (NIV) says: 'Be very careful, then, how you live -- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.'"

Okay, I don't know if this made any sense to yall, but somewhere in the inner parts of my mind (which is a scary place), it makes sense to me. These are just small things that God used to help me see that He wants me to be content and satisfied in Him and His plan for my life. We just have to look at the positive side of things. Sometimes they may be small, stupid, or silly, but I have found that it is so important to see not only the big things but also the small ones.

"Our selfish nature tends to focus on what we do not have rather than on what we do have -- free time -- that can be used for others and ourselves. Is your life on hold until you have someone to hold?"

No matter what God's plan is for me in the future, I will live for today and be happy and content with the Lover of my Soul and my Prince of Peace. My moutain retreat ended today, so now to apply all that God has been teaching me in my week away from my normal, average, single life. I can't wait to see what God has in store.

Learning to love,
Jenna

Good, Better, or BEST

If you know me, you know I LOVE to read books. If you really know me, you know I usually ONLY read romance fiction books ... given, they almost always have some underlying Christian theme of forgiveness, healing, etc. My love for reading has always been centered around these Christian fiction romance books, and year after year of reading and rereading these fictional fantasies, let's just say that it left me a little delusional. My brain moved to some other planet where it believed that my life would turn out like at least one of them if not all of them. haha! For some reason, I convinced myself that I would find a man just like all of those ridiculously perfect guys in my books. oh the heartache I caused myself by reading those books for so long. I mean let's be honest ... others have not been the only ones feeding me with this "find a husband or die" mentality. I have been choosing to torture myself, but not anymore. Maybe someday I will be able to read those books again in moderation, but for now, I have to stop doing that to myself.

Yesterday, my family and I went shopping here in Pigeon Forge, TN (we are on family vaca, which btw has been SO much fun) at the Tanger outlets, and there in the distance I see a discount Christian bookstore. I beelined for the store, and immediately upon walking in, I saw at least two tables stacked high with what else besides Christian fiction romance books. I walked up and down the length of both tables and soon realized that I just couldn't do it anymore. I picked up one book and it was SO typical ... girl is troubled, boy is the hero, girl meets boy, girl resists, boy saves the day, girl and boy get married and live happily ever after ... go figure! haha! I slightly giggled at myself (out loud might I add) and slowly but surely returned the book back to the table. I surveyed the store and saw a table for Christian living, so I decided to check it out. Of course God knows everything, but kill me, I'm human ... so it always surprises me when God brings me to a moment that I know it is exactly God's plan. I'm sure He just looks down on me and shakes His head sometimes. haha! The very first book I saw was "Every Thought Captive" by Jerusha Clark. It seems like I have heard of it before somewhere, but the first thing that hit me was ... this is exactly what I need.

My thoughts are what always bring me down. There are times when I wish I could just shut my brain OFF, but as we all very well know, we just can't do that. Anyway, I'm just starting to read that, so I'll let yall know how it goes. Also, on another note, I've also been reading some other books that are really challenging me to grow closer to God and as a result living a life more sold out for Christ.

Okay, well, another point I wanted to make is that there are so many "GOOD" things in life even "BETTER" things such as Christian fiction romance books which can distract us from God's "BEST." I don't want to get distracted by those things when I could be experiencing the best God has for us. Sometimes it may even be that marriage is only a good thing in God's plan for my life while singleness is God's BEST for my life. Who knows? I don't, but God does. That is enough for me.

Learning to love,
Jenna

p.s. Stay tuned for an upcoming blog entry on the perks of being the only single person on your family vacation, and I am not being sarcastic at all. This is so legit! :)

Reckless Abandonment

Reckless abandonment. What does that mean to me? It means throwing off all the things of this world and running as fast as I can toward Jesus and not caring about a single thing along the way. This very accurately characterizes Ruth in the Bible. She gave up everything she had ever known to follow God with this kind of reckless abandonment. This is one of my favorite stories in the Bible, and I know that God put her story in the Bible to encourage us and teach us. "She wanted God's will, not hers; His blueprints, not her elementary scribbling; God's assignment, not her foolish plans." This is so true. That is exactly what I want, but do I truly live like this? Ruth did, and I believe there is so much we can learn from her.

"A single woman today needs the boldness to challenge and break the cycle of the "American way" that exalts a relationship with a man as the answer to life. This "American way" blurs the reality of the ultimate answer to life found in a deep relationship with Jesus Christ." I know many of you can relate to how hard it is to break the cycle of the "American way," but it is crucial to finding true happiness and satisfaction.

"The depth of your relationship with God is up to you. God has no favorites; the choice to surrender is yours. A.W. Tozer so brilliantly stated in his book The Pursuit of God: 'It will require a determined heart and more than a little courage to wrench ourselves loose from the grip of our times and return to Biblical ways.'"

So many times we settle for a surface-level, mediocre relationship with God, because it is easier. Who really looks forward to being convicted of their sinfulness or pushed out of their comfort zone?? NOT ME!!! But our relationship with God should be so much more than this. He desires to have an intimate relationship with us like no other relationship. He can satisfy our deepest needs like no one and nothing else. I am learning these things very slowly, but I am trying each day to go deeper with God, to really experience His presence and to fall madly in love with the Creator of the universe.

Now, the hard part ... we have to "wrench ourselves loose from the grip of our times." It is so hard to let go of what has been engrained into our minds since childhood, but this is our challenge ... to live our lives according to Biblical ways and not earthly ways.

Once again learning to love,
Jenna

My Alabaster Box

"A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when when she marriesa man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women's liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be."

Have you ever heard the story of the alabaster box? Obviously, this is a very well-known story in the Bible, but this book gave me a whole new perspective on my alabaster box. Anyway, the story goes like this ... There was a woman who came to Jesus in his last week before he was crucified, and despite her reputation as a terrible sinner (which, btw ... who isn't?), she poured the expensive perfume from her box onto Jesus' head anointing him. Let me give you a little background on the alabaster box a.k.a. jar which had a very special meaning. Each woman had one of these boxes or jars, and their parents bought a perfume that symbolized their family's wealth. When a man comes to marry the woman, she is to break this alabaster box at his feet. This woman found Jesus worthy of such a sacrifice and honor that she gave such a priceless gift to him.

Now an excerpt from "Lady in Waiting" which really hits home with me ...
"What is in your alabaster box? Is your box full of fantasies that began as a little girl while you listened to and watched fairy tales about an enchanting couple living happily ever after? Have you been holding on tightly to your alabaster box of dreams, frantically searching for a man worthy of breaking your box? Take your alabaster box to Jesus and break it in His presence, for He is worthy of such honor. Having responded to your Heavenly Bridegroom in such a manner, you can wait with confident assurance that, if it be God's will, He will provide you with an earthly bridegroom. ... Take your alabaster box, with your body, soul, and dreams, and entrust them to Jesus. When He is your Lord, you can joyfully walk in the path of life that He has for you."

I cannot even begin to put into words how true this is for me. I have been fantasizing and dreaming of getting married since I was a little girl. Not only did I watch every possible fairy tale as a child, but it only got worse as I got older. I read every romance book and watched every romance movie I could get my hands on, and I have been clenching onto my alabaster box for dear life like it was either find a husband or DIE. Oh how dramatic I can be. haha! This was such a wake-up call to me. I'm done with this chasing after fantasies and dreams stuff. It is time to truly break my alabaster box at the feet of Jesus. He is the only one worthy of my heart, and I know He is the only one who can make my dreams come true.

I am truly tasting freedom from this burden I have carried for so long, and I feel my relationship with God deepening more each day. I am still struggling with this, and when I do revert back to my old habits, I just remind myself that I didn't get this way overnight and won't radically change overnight either. I am so deeply in love with Christ, and I want to become so lost in His love that I never want for any other kind. This is the beginning of a journey for me, and no matter where it leads me, I know God will help me get there in His timing.

Learning to Love,
Jenna

Brand New Start

I can't say that I know why I am doing this other than I am just doing what God is telling me to do. Back in January, God turned my entire world upside down with the book, Lady In Waiting. I don't know how many times God has turned your world upside down, but let's just say it is never much fun. This wasn't the first time nor will it be the last, and I am thankful that God loves me enough to remove me from my complacency.

Anyway, about the book ... Since I was a little girl, I have had Sunday School teacher, after GA teacher, after church leaders who have unknowingly corrupted my entire view of God and marriage. I get the concept that these people were just trying to make me feel special and happy, but in the long run, now all I have is many years of lying to myself to reverse. Who decided that it was a good idea to tell all the little girls in the church and probably outside of the church that "God has a special person picked out for every single one of you?" Please tell me where this is found in the Bible, because I can tell you right now that my Bible says that it is better to not get married so as to devote our entire lives to God. I realize that the whole creation of the world was based on one man and one woman who were husband and wife and made babies, but God never once promises this to every single once of us. For the longest time, I saw it as my right to get married ... that somehow God owed it to me to bring me a husband. I fooled myself into thinking that my life was incomplete without this "Christian American Dream." Little did I know that I have been wasting precious time in my life when I could be growing deeper and deeper in my relationship with God, but instead I was pining away after my nonexistent prince charming who everyone would say just took a wrong turn somewhere and got lost. Sometime last semester, it finally hit me that God wanted me to pursue Him the way I had always dreamed of being pursued by my so-called prince charming. That's when it happened ... I realized that I didn't need a man to complete me. God is in the business of completing hearts, not us.

Romans 12:1-2 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing, and perfect will."

I don't know whether I will ever get married. There is still a strong desire in my heart to get married, but I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. I want to seek God's will and not my own. Sure, it is very possible that God wants me to stay single for the rest of my life, and if this is the case, I will gladly accept this future and move forward in my journey to serve God with my life. I am so tired of pretending that I am a princess standing at the castle window staring off into the distance hoping that my prince charming is going to come around the corner any second. God wants all of us to turn away from the window and trust him. Last semester, I had finally turned away from the window, but sometime in the last three months, I got scared, looked back, caught a glimpse of something shiny (of course the armour of my prince charming, duh!), and all out death sprinted back to my window for prince patrol. I realize how ridiculously cheesy this sounds, but it's the truth.

I'm starting a new phase of my life right now. I graduated from college in May, and I start speech path grad school in August. I started a new job and got a new apartment, so basically, everything in my life is changing ... that is, except God. I want to use this blog to document my struggles and my victories, my heartaches and my rejoicing. Each time I want to share something from the book and how I am applying it to my life or what it means to me. I know this is going to be a long and hard journey (especially when you remember the 18 years of lies I have believed and must reverse), but it is going to be so worth it when I come out on the other side on fire for God and with a heart devoted to the only Prince Charming I will ever need.

Jenna

A New Journey

My life has been so extremely crazy since I returned home almost 6 months ago. I started my senior year of college, conquered the GRE (graduate record examination), started applying to graduate school, led the statewide BSU College Student Conference, applied for summer missions AGAIN, found a church "home," got a 4.0 for the semester, and welcomed my beautiful nephew, Gage William, into the world.

Like I said, I have applied for summer missions again this year, but this is going to be a very different experience on so many levels. First of all, as of the first week of January, I have absolutely NO IDEA where I will be going. My extreme planner personality is quite concerned about this, but I know that God is going to send me exactly where I am supposed to be. I could end up in either East or South Asia. This experience is the polar opposite to last year's. My trip to Ukraine was planned pretty perfectly, but if you kept up with me this past summer, you know that all well-laid out plans are great until God reminds us that His plans are much different. This time around I am going into this whole experience with nothing but trust in a great God.

I don't even know if anybody is still checking/reading my blog, but for anyone who stumbles upon my post, I ask that you pray for the hearts of all the lost people in my life at the W and the people I will meet on my future adventures to more foreign countries. I feel such an urgency to share the love and salvation of our God with every student on my campus before I graduate this May.
I am going to be facing many BIG changes as I graduate from college, and although I know God has it all in his hands, I am scared of the unknown. I am reminded of the quote I chose to represent me in my high school yearbook beside my senior picture ... "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." I have to remind myself of this very often.

I am about to embark on one of the great adventures of my life in 2011 as I strive to impact my campus for Christ, leave for another summer in an unknown foreign country, and begin a new chapter of my life of graduate school in an unkown location. So many unkowns which are all in God's perfect plans.

I sincerely hope to post more often throughout this semester as God's plan for my life in 2011 unfolds. Stay tuned ... You will not want to miss the AMAZING things God is about to do. I know I don't!

Until the whole world hears,
Jenna

Go Light Your World

There is a candle in every soul
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold
There is a Spirit who brings fire
Ignites a candle and makes His home

Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

Frustrated brother, see how he's tried to
Light his own candle some other way
See now your sister, she's been robbed and lied to
Still holds a candle without a flame

Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the lonely, the tired and worn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

We are a family whose hearts are blazing
So let's raise our candles and light up the sky
Praying to our Father, in the name of Jesus
Make us a beacon in darkest times

Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, deceived and poor
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world

Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, and go light your world
Take your candle, and go light your world

This song always brings tears to my eyes, because I can picture the hurting and lonely faces of people who are just longing for someone to care enough to tell them about Jesus.

Missions is my heart.

I don't say this lightly. My heart is consumed with love and passion for a God who loves us, sent His son to die on the cross for us, and who deserves all the glory in the world. The least I can do is spend my summer in Kharkov, Ukraine sharing the message of Christ with Ukrainians, Chinese, and Africans. But ... (this is a huge but!) It can't stop here. It has to keep going. To Mississippi. To Columbus. To Mississippi University for Women. For too long I have pretended that my actions were enough to be a witness to those around me, but not anymore. I cannot pretend any longer. It is time for me to follow God in obedience and to start verbally sharing my faith. Actions speak louder than words ... for too long I have been living my life by this phrase. I used it as a crutch to make myself feel better about being such a coward.

I will carry my candle, and go light my world. I will shine my candle on my campus, in my community, and to the farthest parts of the world. I will carry my candle into the jungles of Africa, into the mountains of China, into the darkest and most dangerous parts of the world, because this is the calling that God has given to each and every one of us. It is not a question of calling, because God commands us in Matthew 28:19-20. So the question is not whether or not we have been called, but when and where we are called!

God has moved in ways that were far above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined, but who am I kidding? He already told us He would do that in Ephesians 3:20.

Tomorrow I leave Kharkov on the train headed to Kyiv where I will catch my early morning flight home on Thursday. I ask that you please pray for traveling mercies as I come home. I am still not very excited about the whole traveling alone part, so I ask that you please pray that God will go before me and keep me safe. He guided me and protected me on my way over, so I know that He can do the same on my way home.

Thank you for reading my blog this summer, and thank you for praying for me! I have truly felt every prayer. This will be my last blog post while I am in Ukraine, but I hope to post more pictures and stories once I get home and find some free time. Again, words cannot express my sincere gratitude for praying me through this journey! Spaseeba bashoi ... Slava Bog!

I am a Wii Success Story

If you know me, you will not believe what I am about to tell you, but I can assure you this is the absolute truth. I CAN PLAY BASEBALL! I have been baseball / softball - challenged my entire life! I tried to play for one summer in 7th or 8th grade, but I was so horrendously terrible that my mom let me quit which is a very rare occurrence in our family. We are only allowed to quit if we are truly and wholly untalented in something which should say a lot about my mom letting me quit. Well, I am here to say that due to my practice on Wii baseball I have become much better at this sport! I can actually hit the ball with the bat and make it to base. Given I cannot hit a homerun, but I completely blew my own mind! I had told everybody how terrible I am at baseball, and all of my new friends thought that I had lied. Eventually I was able to convince them that I had not lied but truly improved my skills! I was even able to score for my team a few times!

The biggest shocker of all is this .... When we picked teams for our second game, I was the FIRST player picked! I almost passed out! Never in my entire life have I been picked first to be on somebody's team! It was the greatest thing ever! haha!

I have had a wonderful 4th of July Weekend, and unfortunately this week will be my last week of ministry here in Kharkov. It is really starting to hit me that I will be saying goodbye to all of my new friends in just one short week. Please pray for our last 3 ESL classes for the Chinese. Please pray that we will have more students this week, and I ask that you also pray for Wendy ... that God will give her wisdom regarding whether or not to continue this class after I leave.

I ask that you also pray for my new Chinese friend, Joy. She is not a Christian, and I am really hoping that I will have time to meet with her outside of class to hopefully share the love of Christ with her! She is such a precious girl, but I can tell that she is really searching for something more! I pray that God will use me to plant a seed in Joy's life this week along with anyone else I come into contact with!

Until the whole world hears,
Jenna

Everything from A to Z

Each year, missionaries with the IMB have meetings called AGM (annual general meeting). Some years AGM has a thousand missionaries gathered in one place while other years AGM only has 75-100. The Orthodox Cluster, which is what the Eastern European countries can be referred to, had their AGM in Kyiv, Ukraine. A Christian camp just outside of the city housed all these missionaries, their kids, and a volunteer team from Arkansas. The days are filled with worship services, breakout sessions, and some other general meetings. The volunteer team from Arkansas led a VBS type camp for all of the kids, provided nursery, and held Bible studies for the youth. At night, the missionaries and their families participate in a game night, a talent show, Lottie Moon auction, and some free time! The picture above is of a world replica found in the Dream Town mall in Kyiv! It was pretty amazing!

My job for the week was to work with a fellow summer missionary, Stephanie Cowart! She is from Memphis, Tennessee, and she was absolutely amazing! We had the very difficult job of running the concession stand for all the missionaries! Stephanie was a very good salesman, and by the end of the week, she had taught me a few pointers also. We ended up selling out of everything, and we were paid off to get rid of the pistachios. We were pretty relentless! We were also able to help the volunteer team in the nursery. We got to play with some precious kids and just be silly with them. I made crowns out of weeds for the little girls, and we slid down this amazingly odd ramp that made a perfect slide for the kids. We had so much fun just helping out with AGM and providing help wherever it was needed! Overall, I had an amazing week. I got to meet so many missionaries from Romania, Armenia, Georgia, and all over Ukraine. I had the opportunity to talk to almost all of them personally about where they serve and the different ministries they have started in their cities/countries. I felt like I was getting the inside scoop of missionary life! This is definitely a place I want to be one day ... on the mission field! This experience definitely served to affirm my calling to missions ... some how, some way, some day!

This picture was taken in the middle of Kyiv on our last day before we caught our train back to Kharkov. I just thought it was a beautiful picture, and I couldn't pass up the Kodak moment!

This is just a picture of me standing in front of this gorgeous monument and scenery.

This past week I went to the WWII museum just outside of Kharkov. It was so interesting to see how Ukraine was affected during this war, and I loved seeing a part of Kharkov's history. This is just a monument just outside the museum.

This church just sits to the right of the museum, and I thought it was absolutely beautiful!

This is a picture of traditional Ukrainian dress back in the day! I actually bought a shirt similar to this to wear when I share about my summer and experiences.


My translator, Masha, and I in front of the WWII monument.

On Friday of last week, Wendy and I went to the graduation of one of our friends. Joy comes to our Bible study on Tuesdays night, and she has become a very good friend of mine. She is from Uganda, and unfortunately, she will be returning home very soon! She graduated with a bachelor's degree in interior design! I was so excited that we got to go to Joy's graduation, but I must admit that I experienced a very short moment of culture shock. This was the most unusual graduation I have ever been to in my entire life. the professors/administrators of the school all sat across the front of the stage, and they each took their turn to come up to the microphone and speak about the same thing(remember, in Russian).

This is a picture of Joy, Wendy, and me at the graduation. Flowers are a necessity when going to a graduation, and a good thing to know is that you can only by an odd number of flowers unless you are buying flowers for somebody who is dead! :) The graduation basically consisted of one man calling out the names of the students, and they one by one came up to the stage to accept their diploma. It was MASS CHAOS! It kind of made me anxious just watching the scene take place. Some guys were in T-shirts and jeans, and it really looked like the Ukrainians all showed up that morning like any other morning except they decided they wanted to graduate that day! This was a once in lifetime experience ... at least until next Monday when I get to attend another graduation. There will definitely be pictures to come!

This is our first day of ESL class for Chinese students! In case you don't know, I LOVE CHINA, and I love Chinese people and food! I am having so much fun getting to know these students, and today we ended up have SIX students which is double the number we had the first day of class! SLAVABOHU! I am so thankful that God is continuing to use here in Kharkov. I never expected for God to bring me all the way to Ukraine to minister to and witness to the Chinese and Africans! What a blessing! My heart has been so blessed, and I don't think I have ever been happier than I am now ... Living in Ukraine, teaching the Chinese, and hanging out with some AMAZING African girls!

This is more than I could have ever imagined! Eph. 3:20

Until the whole world hears,
Jenna

Keep You Safe

Quiet your heart
It’s just a dream
Go back to sleep
I’ll be right here
I’ll stay awake as long as you need me
To slay all the dragons

And keep out the monsters
I’m watching over you

My love is a light
Driving away all of your fear
So don’t be afraid
Remember I made a promise to keep you safe

You’ll have your own battles to fight
When you are older
You’ll find yourself frozen inside
But always remember

If you feel alone
Facing the giants
And you don’t know
What to do

My love is a light
Driving away all of your fear
So don’t be afraid
Remember I made a promise to keep you safe

I remember when I was a little girl that I was so afraid of everything. I was afraid of the dark, thunderstorms, ghosts, monsters, my aunt's dogs, frogs, snakes, chucky, jason, and just about anything else you can think of.

There are still days when I am so very afraid of the things life throws at me, but this song reminds me of the promise God has made to keep me safe. I have this assurance. I know that my Heavenly Father will drive away my fears, slay my dragons, and keep out the monsters. I know He is always with me.

Not only do I have a heavenly Father who promises to watch over me and keep me safe, but I also have two AMAZING parents who have always reminded me that I have nothing to fear with our God at my side. I have been so blessed.

Today ... I went to a type of orphanage except this particular kind only keeps the children for a few weeks in order for them to have rest and recover from a multitude of possible situations. Your imagination probably cannot do it justice.

God had a special plan for my trip to this internat. The original plan had been to play with kids in the age range of about 6-18 (close to that). Unfortunately for Plan A, all of these older kids were taken out on excursions for the day. I thought we would have to call it a day before it had even begun, yet God had bigger plans.

I got to spend two hours loving on some very young and hurting children of God. There were about 15 little boys and girls who have had monsters and dragons at every turn.

I wish I could sing this song to them when they woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare only to realize that they are still alone without parents to care or love them. I wish I could be the one to slay their dragons and keep out their monsters. I wish there weren't evil in the world, but there is.

I spent two short hours loving on these precious children who God created with special care. I didn't get any pictures, but I will never forget the hurting and crying faces that are forever imprinted in my memory. One particular little girl, Nastia, kept her arms tight around my neck the entire time. She continually kissed me and hugged me tighter. As I held this fragile little girl, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I looked into the eyes of each child and willed each of them to understand the love found in Jesus Christ. I can only imagine the pain and suffering they have experienced in their short lives.

Whether they had Downs syndrome, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, or some other mental disability, they are still precious in God's sight. My heart is burdened for the lost, hurting, abandoned, and abused. If only I could sing this song over each of their hearts.

My dear Heavenly Father, please wrap your arms around these children. Hold them close when there is no one else in the world there for them. Slava Bog that there are no orphans of God.

Until the whole world hears,
Jenna

Kharkov Zoo Experience

Today I went on another adventure into the culture of this amazing and intriguing country. The zoo is a very special place where you have to ignore the American inside of you screaming "ANIMAL CRUELTY!" I attempted to keep a smile on my face, but my translator and I were deeply concerned for the welfare of these poor animals. One particular goat which I didn't even have the heart to take a picture of because I felt it would just demoralize the poor thing. I am not sure what was wrong with the goat, but its hind legs were suspended in the air for some unknown reason. The goat was literally walking on its front two legs. For one whole minute, I truly thought the goat's legs had something suspending them in the air until I decided to study this animal further. I watched as the goat moved to a log, so it could rest its hind legs on the somewhat tall log. I now regret not taking a picture, but at the time, I just couldn't embarrass the poor thing any more!

Two things I wanted to point out ...

First of all, I had heard stories of the hippo from the missionaries I am staying with. I knew I wanted to find the hippo, so I could take a picture and at least say I saw it. As you will notice from the four pictures I took of the hippo, he was not very photogenic. I pleaded with him (in English, of course) to raise his head, so I could get a good picture. I think he was fond of my voice, so thankfully , he raised his head just high enough so you could tell what he is. I told him I did not pay good money to have him hide from the camera. Getting a picture of the hippo was a success!

Second of all, I felt so very sorry for the pitiful polar bear. I don't even know if he can be called a polar bear any more due to the condition in which he lives ... no ice, no cold, no nothing! I felt so bad for him. He looked so lonely and HOTT!

When I get back to America, I would like to visit an American zoo just to make myself feel better about the fact we imprison poor, helpless animals for our entertainment.

If I knew Russian, I think I would start a zoo ministry .... :)

Until the whole world hears,
Jenna

P.S. OH and BROOKE, The peacock picture is for you and all of my amazing sisters at the W who know about our fondness of peacocks! I thought this peacock represented us well, Best Friend! He was too shy to show me his feathers ... :)

P.S.S I will be out of town this next week starting tomorrow, so I will not be able to update again for at least a week! Thank you to everybody who is lifting me up in prayer! We hope to get my children's ministry up and going once we get back, so please pray that everything works out in a way that brings the most glory to God!

Out and About

The Botanical Gardens and Super Dino Exhibit

Masha, my translator, took me to the Botanical Gardens. Although there were a few pretty flowers, it took us about 45 minutes to actually find the few flowers that were picture-worthy. We took in the scenery, but unfortunately, this is not the right time for botanical gardens!

A few days later, Wendy, Ryan, and I visited the Super Dino exhibit on the square by the Lenin statue. There was also a small carnival set up in front of the exhibit which made Ryan's day. I took a few pictures of him on some of the attractions, but I would not allow him to be blown up in one of the life-size beach balls for fear of him suffocating. Clearly it was safe considering all of the kids lining up for it, but just watching this child being blown up into the gigantic beach ball made me cringe.

The line to the Super Dino exhibit is forever long every day and every hour. I don't know where these people come from, but this place is always packed. We finally found some free time to wait in the horrendously long line, and to our surprise, we only ended up waiting for about 45 minutes. The exhibit was pretty amazing except for the odd creatures that Wendy and I had never seen before. We acknowledged that we are not dinosaur experts, but we also have never seen an elephant-dinosaur with enormous beaver teeth either. Sorry, I didn't feel the need to take a picture of that one. It actually kind of scared me. You will also notice a MASSIVE bear looking creature in the back the t-rex's picture. That one also creeped me out!

Just wanted to share some of my outings around the city!
Enjoy, and as always, until the whole world hears,
Jenna

Our God is Greater and Stronger

Our God is Greater
Our God is Stronger
God, you are higher than any other
Our God is Healer
Awesome and power
Our God, Our God

And if our God is for us,
then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us,
then what could stand against

God blessed me with a passion for singing, music, and songs. I don't know why, but I truly feel more connected to God when I am worshiping Him through song. The lyrics of songs or hymns always say things in a way that I can't. I have never been very good with words, and I don't have to come up with the words when it comes to lifting my voice to my Savior. This song was like a balm to my broken heart. I have been so busy asking God to give me new mission opportunities that I completely missed out on asking that God reopen the doors to my previous mission opportunities with children. I am praying that God would use me in ANYWAY He chooses.

Let me clarify ... I have known my mission and purpose for coming to Ukraine this summer for over a year now. I knew I wanted to work with children, and thankfully, God put everything into place. I wasn't one of those summer missionaries who had no idea what God was going to use them for this summer. The plans have been set for so long that I could tell people my mission in my sleep. Little did I know, that God was laughing at me! He knew from day one what the plan was/is for my summer, so that leaves me here ... kind of confused to say the least ... but I trust in a God who moves mountains and brought salvation to the world.

I will prayer walk until my legs fall off if that is what will bring the most glory to my God this summer!

The words to that song "Our God" by Chris Tomlin keep running through my mind! I just want to sing these lyrics at the top of my lungs. I want to climb the highest rooftop here in Kharkov, Ukraine, and cry out that OUR GOD IS GREATER AND STRONGER! OUR GOD IS HIGHER THAN ANY OTHER! IF OUR GOD IS FOR US, THEN WHO COULD EVER STOP US! IF OUR GOD IS WITH US, THEN WHAT COULD STAND AGAINST!

I will proclaim this to the people of Kharkov, Ukraine!

Until the whole world hears,
Jenna

God of This City

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

My heart is breaking for these people! Things have gotten more complicated, and the pastor and missionary need me to lay low for a few days in order for everything to cool down and hopefully blow over. In my free time today, Wendy and I were cooking dinner in the kitchen, and this song was playing on the CD player. It doesn't matter how many times I hear this song, it brings tears to my eyes same as these people who need the Lord. I can't help but think of this country, this city of Kharkov as I live and serve here. He IS the God of Kharkov, He IS the God of Ukraine, He IS the God of the Ukrainian people, and there are greater things still to be done here!

Please pray that everything will work out, and I will be able to start my childrens' ministry on Friday. Satan is working hard to discourage me and keep me from doing God's work, but he will NOT win and will NOT have a foothold in this city! I have been and will continue to pray that Satan has no power over the officials and government. There is a special place in my heart for these people, and I will not go down without a fight! Satan doesn't know what he is in for! I will fight him every step of the way! I WILL proclaim the love of God to the children of Kharkov, Ukraine!

Until the whole world hears,
Jenna