My Prayer

October 12, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

Tonight as I start out on the third week of this writing challenge, I'm taking time to pray. Pray for God to lead me. Type through me. Teach me. Speak to me. Open my eyes to more areas of discontentment.

And pray for those of you around me who are struggling alongside me to find your contentment in God. As I told a friend today, I sincerely hope no one gets the impression that this is easy for me or that I've already found full contentment, because there is nothing further from the truth. This is a never-ending journey that I'm on. I hope you'll continue to join me in the fight for contentment as I power through to the halfway point of this challenge.

Today I'm praying for this journey/challenge and I'm praying for you.

I'm fighting for contentment today. Join me.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

Just a Glimpse {Round 2}

October 11, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

Today.

Every moment can bring you contentment if you just look for God in that moment.

This weekend has been another glimpse of what it feels like to be truly content in my current life. God has been so good to me. I love my life.

How could I not? Last night involved half-price appetizers with some co-workers at American Sector restaurant at the WWII museum, delicious seafood from the Louisiana Seafood Festival with great friends, and live music down by the Frenchman Art Market with the roomie.

I am living a life that brings me so much joy. I am content in the moments God has given me. Each moment of the day is a gift from God.

Today. I slept until almost 11am. I did nothing all day. The roomie and I sat and watched the MS State football game {but seriously who am I and what have I done with the old Jenna? & #hailstate}. That's all we did. It was glorious. I did a little work while we watched. Which have I mentioned that I'm thankful for a rewarding job today? The day ended with sushi, a grocery run, and a redbox movie.

I love my life.

The redbox movie I am currently watching is Mom's Night Out, and I must say you moms out there have a very tough job. One in which I'm kind of thankful I don't have today. So props to you moms. I love moms. I happen to have the greatest mom on planet earth. But today I'm content being a single in NOLA.

I eat oysters and watch football. I am a twenty something who is having a blast.

Thank you, God, for giving me contentment in my life.

This is contentment.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

A Heart Divided

October 10, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

My heart betrays me.

I love New Orleans. I love it so much. I love the people. I love the culture. I love the food. I love the festivals. I love the atmosphere. I love the opportunities to serve. I love all things NOLA.

But sometimes. Just sometimes. I'm reminded of how my heart longs for another city hidden away in the northeastern corner of Asia.

The discontentment comes when I think about all that I could be doing in East Asia. The life I could be leading. The people I could be doing life with.

Even though my heart longed for the simpler, less stressful life in EA this morning, I realized in the midst of that that my contentment cannot be contingent upon my circumstances. As long as I choose contentment now. today. in Christ, nothing that comes my way will be able to shake my contentment.

I'm choosing the now. I'm choosing to be content in Jesus and where He has me today.

She Laughed

October 9, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

She laughed. Can you believe that?

Let me catch you up. My morning chronological Bible plan had me engrossed once again in the story of Sarah and Abraham in the book of Genesis. If you ever want to be reminded that you're not the only one to mess up, doubt God, or just be plain stupid, go read the story of these two. I love them, but they had their absolute fair share of human moments {don't we all?}.

As I was reading the story {found in Genesis 18}, I couldn't help but correlate the state of Sarah's heart with my own. She had unfulfilled longings and desires in her heart just like me. Oh how she longed and desired for a child of her own. God had made all these promises to them, and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she was probably a little over it. She was NINETY YEARS OLD. I know things were different back then, but even in these verses, Sarah says for herself that she is so far past childbearing age that it is laughable. Which is exactly what she did when she was eavesdropping on Abraham and God's conversation. She laughed. Not the overflowing of joy type of laugh but the you have got to be kidding me type of laugh.

Let it be known that I'm taking some liberties with my interpretation of this story and am allowing God to use this to help me move forward in my journey toward contentment. I think Sarah temporarily forgot who God is and all that He had done previously in their lives. She saw her circumstance as the world sees it. She had missed the window of opportunity. She had even gone so far as to give her own maidservant over to her husband to try and fulfill God's promise on her own. hmmm ... sounds familiar.

I know the promises God has made, and number one on the list today is Psalm 37:4. Bet you've heard it before. And I also bet you've heard it misused before.

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" {NIV}

The whole verse is meant to pull us in, because we are human and want for things that will not fulfill us. God knows we will turn to that verse and only see that God will give us the desires of our heart while we choose to ignore the part where He says take delight in me. When we take delight in Him {which today I feel like for me delighting in Him means finding my contentment in Him}, our desires automatically match His desires.

Sometimes I feel like as I move further into my twenties {mid-twenties currently/soon to be late twenties}, the culture's expectations of my life schedule makes me feel like Sarah. Let's face it. In the South, married at 22 is the norm. Unmarried at 25: not normal. I feel like Sarah with unfulfilled longings for the expected life, but that's not really what I want. I want true and full contentment in God and what He has planned for my life. I don't want to laugh like Sarah did. I want to laugh like the Proverbs 31 woman as it says "she is clothed with strength and dignity; she can {laugh} at the days to come." NIV, Emphasis mine

If you keep reading in Genesis, you see that God had a plan for Sarah and Abraham. She may have laughed, but God showed her who is in control. God did come through on His promises. He will come through on His promises in my life and your life. He is faithful. He will never fail me or you. He loves me and you. So much so that He sent His one and only son to die on a cross for my sins. for your sins. That we might have a relationship with Him.

I think I just said it right there. There's my contentment.

Don't Look Back

October 9, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

Lot's wife did. And look what happened to her. She became a pillar of salt.

Let's play catch up again. So Abraham and Lot. Uncle and nephew. {Genesis 13} Lot chose the better portion of the land or so he thought. He parted ways with Abraham and lived among the people in Sodom and Gomorrah. {Genesis 19} He lived among them and joined right in on their wicked lifestyle. God spared him and his family when he destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. The angels told them to get out fast and not look back. As Lot and his family were fleeing, his wife stopped. She looked back. Look where it got her. Nothing more than a pile of salt.

It does no good to look back. I've spent a lot of time being discontent with my past. One particular instance came to mind the other day as I was reading along with a fellow write 31 days challenge blogger {alizanaomi.com}. She recounted an incredibly embarrassing moment for her, and it triggered a painful memory of my own. Pretty sure it was my sophomore year of high school. {background info: I was not the popular girl. at all. I did not fit the mold of a normal girl. I was overweight. I was a giant and by that I mean I was already/still 5 feet 11 inches tall and 6 feet in heels and all the boys were my height or shorter. I was not "pretty." I did not fit in.} Where I grew up we had this thing called cotillion. Some girls were members of "the club." Two dances were held each year. About two to three months before the big "dance" {which also entailed an announcement/walk out of members and their dates}, there was a big formal meeting where the members got "date sheets." All the members {which if you haven't already concluded are all girls} asked the guys at the specific time as soon as we had our "date sheet" in hand. If two girls wanted to ask the same guy, whoever got through on his phone first got to ask him. Seeing as I was not popular or pretty or even liked by any guys for that matter, this was already a huge stressor for me. I had self-esteem issues out the wazoo and hated putting myself out there like that. Unfortunately if I didn't do it/didn't find a date and attend the event, I would have to pay a fine. Long story short. The boy I was going to ask answered the phone, hung up on me, and then said no. Another boy I called next told me he had a conflict which if I remember correctly ended up being a lie. {background info: boys weren't really allowed to say no unless they had a legitimate conflict otherwise they were blackballed or not allowed to go to the event with anyone else.} I still cringe thinking back on this. I was mortified. humiliated. Everything I had ever thought about myself had been confirmed in that span of 30 minutes.
I was ugly.
I was unwanted.
I was a loser.
I was fat.
I was nothing.
I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I couldn't face the reality of what had just happened.
I don't even remember what I told people about why I wasn't going. I don't think I told the truth. Looking back brings so much discontentment over what could have been/should have been/might have been.

When we dwell on the past, it is easy to get sucked into what used to be and lose sight of the present. I could wallow in that pain and wonder how God could have allowed that to happen to me. I did spend many years in bitterness and anger toward my past. I have given too much power to the past and provided an open door for discontentment to build up in my heart and life.

Crazy sometimes how God can take an Old Testament story and bring it to life in all new ways in order to teach me about my own life. I'm learning step by step how to be content with my past and the hurts that have built up high walls around my heart. I have to fight off that bitterness, anger, and seeds of discontentment and replace them with a peace in knowing that my worth and contentment are found in Jesus.

I am content with the life that has played out in my past, because God taught me through the pain that He is the only one who will never let me down. never fail me. never let go.

It's time to stop looking back.
It's time to look ahead to Jesus.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

The Other Side

October 7, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

Comparison has been said to be the thief of joy. This is so true. Comparison steals more than my joy but also my contentment.

But the silliest part of all is that I have an extraordinarily rewarding job. This morning I got 21 hugs before 10 am. Twenty. One. It started with one little voice of a little girl looking up at me with those oh so innocent eyes and asking me if she could give me a hug which led to me being placed in the center of the room because then all 21 students wanted to give me a hug.

Children. They are the reason I went into speech pathology. I find incomparable contentment in my job. Sure if I compare to others, I can always find the down side to it. There are countless people who have far more glamorous jobs and far more time to sleep. All I think about is sleep. Seriously. Is there a job where I can sleep? Just kidding. Kind of.

No but really. The gift of communication. That's what SLPs do. We give the gift of communication.

I am content when I see the progress that my kiddos are making. I find contentment in the opportunity I have to love these little kids and tell them they matter and assure them they can do anything they put their mind to.

Contentment isn't found in earthly things. I truly find my contentment in the fact that I'm doing what God wants me to do. No more comparing what could be. What might be. What should be.

I'm stepping out on the other side. Welcome to the other side of contentment.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

My Story Versus His Story

October 6, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

In life there are always two sides to a story.

It's all based on perception. 3 people see the same event from different angles. Depending on their view and possibly what's in their line of sight, they may all see the event differently. We as humans are not all-knowing or all-seeing, therefore, it is impossible for us to focus on more than one thing. The visual in my mind is a car wreck. One person sees the front car slam on their brakes to avoid a dog running across the street. The next person can't see the dog for the tree and only sees the second car looking at their phone. The third person had their back to the accident and only heard the sound of crushing metal. At the end of the day, each person may conclude a different car is at fault.

We only see the picture before us. No more. No less. We make assumptions and conclusions based on such a small viewpoint that we have of our lives and of others' lives.

Case in point: As I have talked about on my blog in the past, my senior year of high school was traumatic to say the least. The church I grew up in changed. People changed. Those who I once thought loved me and cared about me and wanted to help me were the exact ones tearing me down, accusing me, and making me never want to step foot in a church again. So it was definitely a more general attack of one half of the church against the other. But let's face it. It felt personal. It felt like a knife had been put in my back. I was angry. I could not understand why all these bad things were happening. I could only see that single isolated part of the story.

Now I look back and see how God used that experience to strengthen my walk with Him. He used it to give me a greater appreciation for His Church and what it's supposed to look like. He taught me how to forgive. how to love when it's not deserved. how to be a friend. how to keep my mouth shut. how to speak up. how to move on from a particularly difficult season.

Do you think for a second that I was content during that season? I wasn't.
Do you think for a second that I would've chosen that for my self? I wouldn't.

But am I so thankful for that growth in my life and all that God taught me. Contentment is God-given, but it's also a choice. God offers us contentment in whatever season of life we are in and whatever circumstance we have found ourselves in, but it is up to us to choose to find our contentment in Him and His story for our lives.

I choose contentment. Why? Because I know God is writing my story for His glory. I gave up the stage a long time ago, and it is time to release creative control and find contentment in the story God has given me. I cannot forget that the story He has written is going to far surpass my imagination and bring everything full circle for His glory.

I choose His story for me. I choose contentment in the story He is writing. I choose to find my contentment in the Giver not myself.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

The Contentment Glow

October 5, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

I didn't know such a thing existed until tonight. But apparently it's a real thing.

After yesterday's glimpse of contentment, I didn't know how the "post-awesome day" would go, but it has been just as lovely.

Beginning with church in the park. Worshipping Jesus with a cool, fall breeze surrounded by fellow believers. Some alligator sausage and chicken gumbo with new friends while watching the Saints win. A nap. A glorious Sunday nap. Joining together with Level Ground Church to worship our Risen Savior, be challenged to live out our faith, and taking communion in remembrance of Jesus' sacrifice for our sins. All followed with more new friends, lots of laughter, and some delicious New Orleans food.

Before church started, a friend walked up to me and said I was glowing. He asked why I was so happy and how life was going. My response: I'm content.

The usual assumption when a girl is glowing is that she's in love. And boy am I. I am so in love with Jesus. This weekend I have experienced more contentment than I think I even thought possible.

Tonight as I thought about "the glow" I began to see myself so clearly. I'm content with my story. I'm content with whatever the Lord has planned for me.

I'm content. Praise the Lord. Today, I'm content.

Just a Glimpse

October 4, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

Today. I felt it. Tonight. I feel it. I'm on the brink. I got this small glimpse into what I could potentially experience every day.

Contentment. It washed over me as I sipped my coffee while reading my Bible. I felt it rush through my heart as I met up with a childhood friend, chatted over coffee, took a walk in this incredible weather. And again as I tried new food at a middle eastern restuarant. Again as I worshipped with some brothers in Christ. And AGAIN as I bonded with some sweet little boys.

Everywhere. God poured out contentment over my heart little by little all day long. It built and built and built.

Oh sweet, blissful contentment.

Jesus, you bring contentment. You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same. You see the areas where I hide my ugly feelings of discontentment. You shine light in the darkness. You show me a glimpse of what it's like to be content in you.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

This is the Start

October 3, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

Of something new. {extra brownie points if you sang that line from high school musical song because I did}

The good things in life are never easy. Which means the great things are going to take every fiber of your being to fight for it.

I'm ready for the fight. I'm putting on my armor.

Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.
Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but

against the rulers,

against the powers of this dark world and

against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

THEREFORE

put on the full armor of God,

so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground,

and after you have done everything, to stand.

Stand firm then, with the BELT OF TRUTH buckled around your waist,

with the BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS in place,

and with your feet fitted with the READINESS that comes from the GOSPEL OF PEACE.

In addition to all this, take up the SHIELD OF FAITH,

with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Take the HELMET OF SALVATION and

the SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, which is the word of God.

{NIV, Emphasis mine}

I'm equipping for the battle against discontentment. Just as Ephesians 6 says, I'm taking my sword and changing the game. Notice how our only offensive weapon is the sword, the Holy Word of God. Some might say it's our only leg to stand on. So if it is our only leg to stand on. If it is our only weapon to fight the enemy. If it is all we need to defend our hearts. If it is as powerful as God implies in this passage, then why don't we spend more time reading it, studying it, memorizing it, talking about it, and sharing it?

I have to go to the source. That is none other the Scripture. If I am serious about finding contentment, I have to fill my life with God's Holy Word.

How can I ever expect to find contentment in the Lord when I am allowing myself to be bombarded with so many different external sources other than Scripture? If I'm gonna displace the discontentment in my heart, mind, soul, and life, I have to replace it with the source of contentment. Jesus. I'm digging into the word. Instead of filling myself with TV, social media, Internet, etc, I'm taking to the Holy Word of God.

Course of action: Dig deep into the Word. Set aside time each and every day to spend just reading/memorizing/studying it. Let it be the first thing I do in the morning and the last thing I do at night.

The battle for contentment in God for my heart is on, & I'm not backing down.

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{This series is a part of a writing challenge given by the nester, Myquillyn Smith, to write for 31 Days. You can check the write31days website out here and enjoy hundreds of other bloggers joining together for this challenge. My posts are a part of my personal topic choice of 31 Days of Contentment, and you can find the link for the entire series here.}

My Life

October 2, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

UNDER CONSTRUCTION ... MORE TO COME.

What a complex topic this. I don't think I know much about who I am but one thing is for sure. I know whose I am. I am a God-fearing, people-loving, family-protecting, risk-taking twenty something who enjoys crafting, singing, & running.

I find myself to be quite the anomaly. I haven't lived a normal day in my entire life. I'm the daughter of two amazing, Godly parents who raised me to love Jesus more than anything. I'm the little sister to an older brother and sister. They have always kept me in line. I had to learn from somebody's mistakes. They gave me both a sister-in-law & brother-in-law. But really the day I became an aunt changed everything. My nephews bring more joy & delight into our family than anyone ever knew possible.

I'm single; however, this does not define me. It is just a reality of the path God has me on. I am so enjoying living life as a single, because I have been able to follow God with reckless abandon thanks to my singleness. Yep, that's right. I'm thankful for my singleness.

I'm independent to a fault. Not exactly my most admirable quality. It can be quite frustrating to people at times. It also gets me in trouble on occasion. I want to do it my way, & I want to do by myself. I love a challenge and relish the opportunity to prove people wrong. Tell me I can't do something, & I will consequently do everything in my power to do exactly that.

I'm a hot mess in the majority of areas in my life. I pretend to be in control of everything when in reality, I am in control of nothing. Currently, my weight is most out of control in my life. I refuse to deal with some underlying issues; therefore, I continue to struggle up & down with my weight.

I'm ashamed to say I have some very unexpected & intense blonde moments. I am not proud of these, & my family enjoys teasing me about them.

I'm a total introvert with some extroverted qualities. Visiting churches in a new city has reminded me just how introverted I truly am. Most people don't believe that I am an introvert, but I have the Hearin Leadership program {from my college days} to thank for that & of course God who is the one who placed that in my life to help me grow out of my super introverted ways. I am happy to say that I am no longer an extreme introvert, but those tendencies still crop up every now & then.

I'm in love with the Most High God. He has carried me through two & a half decades of life. I've been in a personal relationship with Him for just at two decades this year. I praise God for all He has done in those two decades. & Praise Him that He is not done working on me.

My Job

October 2, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

UNDER CONSTRUCTION ... MORE TO COME.

By degree, I am a Speech/Language Pathologist, but on a daily basis, I'm just the {speech teacher}. After going to school for as long as I did, it kind of hurts, to be called a teacher, but I am learning to move past that & get over it.

My field of work is one of the most rewarding professions in this world. I love what I do. Strangely the most common question I get about my job is: What exactly do you do?

Well, contrary to what everyone assumes, I do more than fix a lisp here & there. I work with students ranging from 4 years old to 5th grade. Articulation {which is basically just a fancy word for speech sounds} is primarily what I work on in the schools. Depending on their age & severity, I may teach kids how to produce an R, S, SH, T, D, K, G, J, & the list goes on. It can get quite complicated with errors in the initial positions like R in rock or medial positions like R in forest and final positions like R in tiger.

Not only do I work on articulation, but I also work on language skills with kids. For one reason or another, there are some children who having language delays. Whether that is an expressive language delay {expressive=ability to express their thoughts, needs, ideas, wants, etc} or a receptive language delay {receptive=how they process the language their brain is receiving like following directions, etc}.

#1 Contentment Killer

October 2, 2014 Jenna McMurphy

Hello, facebook, how are you? Let me tell you a little secret. You kill contentment. You allow people {including me} to give this illusion of perfect lives with perfect friends, prefect families, perfect jobs, and perfect homes. You give us never-ending lists & lists {also known as my newsfeed} of people hitting every expected & celebrated milestone as well as a play by play of their adventurous, spontaneous lives. We will never miss a single meal, outing, adventure, date, breakup, haircut, sports game, wedding, marriage, pregnancy, showers, births, birthdays, etc. Must I go on? You give us the perfect breeding ground for comparison which leads straight to discontentment.

So maybe I wasn't as ready for this challenge as I had thought. I think I had rose colored glasses on. I am quite intimidated by the professional bloggers out there who do this for real. & again here I am being tempted to fall into comparison & discontentment. & then I think wow, I need something more. Maybe I should buy something to make my blog fancier. Maybe I should work harder. Maybe I should do more. {Enter discontentment}.

Maybe facebook isn't the real culprit. Maybe it's really my heart trying to cling to the more in this life. What do I actually need? Other than Jesus, that is. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The real kicker is that I know the truth. I have grown up in the church. I have read my Bible until it is literally falling apart in my hands. I know that what God has planned will far exceed any plans I could ever even imagine for myself {Ephesians 3:20}. I know that God is working all things for my good {Romans 8:28}.

Yet here I sit scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, & scrolling. When I get bored, what do I turn to? Social media. I check in to see what everybody else is doing today? Oh, she's on vacation. If only I could go on vacation somewhere. Oh, she's wedding planning. If only there was even hope for one day planning a wedding. Oh, she's doing really fun things for her job. If only my job had cool things like that to do.

Suddenly, I am so deep in a pit of discontentment that I cannot even see the light at the top. I'm in utter darkness. Nothing about my circumstances seems good enough or fun enough or cool enough.

Don't get me wrong, God can use social media to further His kingdom, spread the Gospel, & plant seeds in the hearts of those who do not know Him. But Satan is also running rampant on social media. He delights in seeing us drown ourselves in discontentment & ignore the true source of contentment.

So what do we do about this?

For me, there has to be a healthy limit. There has to be a point where I say no more. There is a time to step away and reevaluate.

One day at a time. So I need a plan of action for today. Here it is.

Course of action: I will limit my social media usage {specifically facebook} to checking on the phone two times a day. & only after I have spent quality, solid time with the Lord in order to focus my heart on Him & find contentment in Him before subjecting myself to the differently lead lives of others.

Stay tuned for day three of thirty-one of my journey to contentment in Jesus & feel free to check out the rest this series here.