Why Rediscovering God? Why do I even need to rediscover God? Why do I feel heretical even asking why? I know where God is and I know who God is. Know is the key word. I’ve known these things since a very young age. I have known God practically my whole life.
David knew God his whole life too. He is known as a man after God’s own heart. And you know what David and I have in common? We both asked God why?
Psalm 10:1 - “Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?”
Psalm 22:1-2 - “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest.”
The word why is found in the book of Psalms alone 22 times. God is clearly okay with us asking why in a reverent and respectful way. Just like David and the other authors of Psalms.
As I reflect back on the situation and the heartache I felt, it wasn’t until after that moment the whys started to surface. I felt nothing and everything all at the same time. My knowledge of God definitely sustained me during this time. I could call to mind Scripture to speak over my mind and heart, but my heart felt so jaded and confused. When I didn’t feel God, I reminded my soul of Scripture. My faith was intact, but my heart was broken.
I wanted clear answers. i wanted to know why if God could do anything He chose to do nothing. I am starting to see the light breaking through the cracks of the darkness I felt for so long. I am starting to understand. Right after it all happened. a friend of mine said this to me:
I believe the Lord was preparing you for this very thing. What a grand gesture from God that he has something better for you. He didn’t just urge you away from it. He slammed the door. God is so fiercely passionate about what he has for you. I hope you can eventually think back on this painful experience and associate it with God moving heaven and earth to protect you from less than his best. -Alicia B.
Seriously, people. Get you a friend like this. I couldn’t fully process her words at that time, because I was so deep in the pain, but now? Now is a different story. Now I can more clearly see the truth. I hope you see that even in the darkest moment of my year, God sustained me with HIs Word. I didn’t stop hurting. I didn’t understand any more. I didn’t have an immediate feeling of happiness. It was still incredibly painful, but God sustained me until I could clearly see.
Now that the darkness has lifted and I’ve made it to the other side, I am learning to process the whys of this life and how I got here. I honestly felt the need to strip away everything I know and believed about God, because I wasn’t sure what was true anymore. I didn’t stop believing in God, but I started to realize that I was believing things about God that weren’t true. Christian culture had taught me a myriad of things that slowly but surely crept their way into my Scriptural beliefs about God.
This experience showed me it was time to strip it all away and only bring back that which is based on God’s Holy Word. So that’s why I’m rediscovering God. Because it matters to me that my beliefs about God are based on the Bible and not on what someone taught me as “truth.”
What have you unknowingly believed about God? What do you need to set straight about God? God’s desire is for us to know and love Him. I believe He is going to show us. I believe that by the end of this process, I will stand even stronger on my faith in God and who He is.
Keep asking your whys. God won’t let you down.
This blog post is a part of a series called Rediscovering God for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you want to know more about the Write31Days challenge, you can find out more at www.write31days.com.