31 days later.
This was hard. Possibly the hardest of the 4 writing challenges I have done. I didn’t fully know what the Lord was asking of me. I didn’t know that it was going to be this difficult. And I didn’t know that it was going to be this life-changing. I didn’t know that I was going to want to quit so many times. I didn’t know that these 31 days would push me further than I thought I could go.
So — 31 Days to rediscovering God. From the moment it came to my mind months ago, I immediately worried it would sound heretical. Or that it would sound like I was blaspheming God. I hope deeply that I was able to write with respect and reverence of an Almighty God while also asking questions that I now feel the freedom to ask. God has thrown the doors of his chamber open and welcomed me into His presence. He has allowed me to sit directly at His feet. He has beckoned me to lay it all down and to ask the questions I needed to ask.
I only asked the questions because I knew He already had the answers and that He wanted me to know the answers as well. I had no doubt in my mind that He would come to my rescue and that’s exactly what He did.
He knew I was carrying a burden that was never meant for me — the weight of the world. I thought I had to figure it all out, because the hurt I was experiencing was overwhelming me. I loathed the idea that my brain and heart were having trouble coming to terms with a good, kind, and faithful God who allowed me to endure such devastating events.
But what I learned through this process is almost impossible to put into words. Here’s what I do know — God has revealed Himself and His character to me day after day after day throughout this challenge. When I wanted to know if He was truly good or not — He showed me that He was. When I wanted to know if He was faithful to me — He showed me that He was. When I wanted to know if He really cared — He showed me that He really does.
Throughout this process, I have cried many tears — tears of sorrow, tears of joy, tears of pain, and tears of gratitude. It has been nothing short of a rollercoaster. It is going to take me months to process all that God has taught me over the last 31 days. Nevertheless, I am so encouraged. I am prepared for what lies ahead. I am refocused on following wherever it is God leads or waiting as long as the Lord will have me wait. I am experiencing a contentment of which I have only dreamed of.
What, you ask, have I discovered about God? God is who He says He is. And He will do what He says He will do. I started this whole process, because I had questions. Questions that were burning inside of me. Questions that I wanted to have resolved, because I knew if I didn’t find the answers it would only be a matter of time until they started to fester in my soul and cause even worse damage. Better to take them to the Lord and allow Him to start the healing process immediately.
I’m beyond thankful for the work God has done thus far, and the healing process while incredibly difficult and challenging has proven to be so good for my soul. This doesn’t stop here. My heart will continue to heal, and I will continue to draw nearer to my good, kind, and faithful God.
If you have questions for God or if you are struggling with your circumstances, I beg you to please have the courage to ask Him and the faith to believe that He will answer — And He will reveal Himself to you. Please hear me when I say God loves you and wants a relationship with you. He wants to show you exactly who He is. Take it from me, He won’t let you down.
This blog post is a part of a series called Rediscovering God for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you want to know more about the Write31Days challenge, you can find out more at www.write31days.com.