I am the queen of feeling things are unfair. I have written many posts between my blog and my social media about the unfairness of it all. I view the world through my small lens, and just like the author of Psalms and even Proverbs, I sometimes feel that the wicked prosper while I just get pain and suffering. It just doesn’t feel fair. It doesn’t feel like God is just at all in this.
Please note how many times I mention how I feel. When I am looking through the world’s perspective or even my own perspective, it is guaranteed that I will feel that God isn’t just.
This leads perfectly into the second lie I had begun to believe.
Lie #2 God is like a vending machine. I put in my good works, and He sends out a corresponding good thing.
Deut. 32:4 “He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.”
Psalm 33:5 “The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.”
Psalm 50:6 “And the heavens proclaim his righteousness, for he is a God of justice.”
Psalm 111:7 “The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy.”
2 Thessalonians 1:6 “God is just.”
God’s Word is clear. There really isn’t any way around it. God is just in all of His ways. So I guess that leaves me with one question: Where does that leave me with my feelings of a lack of justice in my situation?
When things didn’t line up the way I wanted them to, I started to wonder if the vending machine was broken. I put in two quarters and I was supposed to get a gumball. Instead I got the wrapper.
I don’t have all the answers. All I really know at this point is that I am believing God’s Word as truth and all my thoughts and feelings have to be obedient to the truth. I also have to remember my sin in this equation. It can become all too easy to pretend I’m a perfect angel in this scenario and not deserving of any bad thing.
If we get down to basics, I deserve NO good thing. Nothing. I am only even allowed in relationship with the Most High God because Jesus laid down His own life to cover my sins. If that is all I ever receive is my salvation, I will have received the most treasured gift of all.
The longer I type, the more I realize how fleeting my feelings are in the midst of truth. My heart starts to lift. My mind starts to calm. My soul starts to sing. I can feel a release in my bones. It’s indescribable. And if my only argument for God not being just is that I haven’t gotten these one or two things, I have gravely misunderstood my calling to follow Christ. He calls us to take up our cross and follow Him. He asks us to deny ourselves. Not indulge ourselves. This calling and relationship requires sacrifice. Who am I to think that if God sacrificed His own Son that I might not have to sacrifice anything at all?
I am in awe of the work God is doing in my heart and life through these posts. Just know that He is changing me. He is growing me and sanctifying me in ways I didn’t know possible. If you are struggling today, please know that there is light at the end of this. I know how hard it is to see that. I know how dark and lonely that feels. But I cling to truth and it holds me together. It brings me to this moment where God can show me He truly is just in all things even when I don’t understand.
This blog post is a part of a series called Rediscovering God for the Write31Days challenge to write every day in October. You can find links to all posts in my series here. If you want to know more about the Write31Days challenge, you can find out more at www.write31days.com.