Outplanning the Planner

That's me. The planner. I'm good at it. You want something planned. I'm your girl.

I mean. Have you seen my planner?
Erin Condren made my planner dreams come true in 2012 thanks to a lovely {& God-sent, of course} grad school classmate. That's beside the point. I love to plan things. I love writing my weekly/monthly/yearly schedule down in order to make lists and be as prepared as possible for what's to come each new planner year.

Well, the planner {that's me ... keep up} has officially been outplanned. I don't know if "outplanned" is truly a word but if it's not, just go with it for now.

{side note/disclaimer/warning: I've never really tried to hide my oddities. Not in person. And never on here. I want people to know I am real and possibly even crazy. I think it shows that God can use anyone ... even you ... if He can use me.}

So my plans. There have been 5 year plans. 10 year plans. There's even been 20 year plans. A little much you say? Oh yes, definitely, but I warned you that I'm a planner. I planned to graduate high school. check. go the the W. check. join a social club. check. go to grad school. check. graduate and get a job. check.

Many of my plans have been wonderfully successful and fulfilling. But somewhere along the way, I felt the need to pick two dates in the "distant" future  which would just work perfectly for the planner to get married. I knew I wouldn't be married by 22. My dating life was nonexistent and no potential in sight. I set my sights far, far out there.

March 15, 2014 & March 14, 2015. two perfect dates. March: my favorite month of the year. Good weather. Saturday before typical spring break for honeymoon purposes. I planned for everything. What I didn't plan for was the "no husband" part.

I clung to those dates as if me verbalizing/setting this plan would automatically make it become God's plan. It was where I placed my hope for marriage. I can go another day being single because it's not forever. I have dates. I have plans.

But God. I take note every time I see these words in the Bible, because it is the certainty of a God who is in control of my past, present, and future.
But God is the Ultimate Planner. He knows best and what will ultimately bring him the most glory. Obviously one date has passed me by and the second date of March 14, 2015 is most definitely not gonna be my wedding day. So where does that leave me? Hopeless? Disappointed? Unloved? Unworthy? Depressed? Lonely? These might be feelings that are felt along the journey but they do not describe me or who I am even as we quickly approach my second and last planned wedding day.

I still have hope in a God who never fails me, never leaves me, and never forsakes me. I still feel loved by a God who created me and knows my heart intimately. I feel joyful and honored that God has chosen me for this singleness journey. Maybe my singleness is only for a season. Maybe it's for a lifetime. I can officially say this planner does not know. I'm turning over my plans to the Lord and trusting that He will bring about the best in my life, because I want God to be glorified more than I want to be married.