It Is Well

It is well with my soul.
Spending time at home with nothing but my thoughts and 4 walls leads me to reflect back on how far God has brought me. From the foot-in-mouth teenage girl I was to the {still foot-in-mouth} learning and growing Christian young girl woman, God has molded me like clay within His hands. I've had my fair share of heartbreak, shame, failures, successes, love, emotions, and fears. I've experienced it all. Looking back through my prayer journals, I see where and how God was working to raise me up out of the ashes which were my life. 
I was not living life the way I should've been. My mouth got me into more trouble than I am willing to admit {unfortunately, it still does}. I used words to hurt people who hurt me. I used words to drive people away. My mouth and my words merged into a large abyss of bitterness and mistakes.
I had it made in a life full of rainbows and sparkles, and one day, my rainbows and sparkles turned into lightening bolts and dust bunnies. {bad illustration, but work with me here}.
Through a series of events, I had my heart broken by the people who I thought would always be in my corner. The people who I thought would always be on my side and there to support me. Suddenly, they were no longer there.
My heart was shattered into a million pieces. I tried to glue it back together on my own, but that only led me to frustration and more pain. 
Now I know that I would have never been able to walk away from what I called "home" without all of that.

I wallowed in self-pity for many years over a petty loss of friendships that were never meant to last. I now believe that God brings friends into our lives for different reasons. Some are only meant for a short time, and some stick around for the long haul. 
God used those losses to prove that He was enough for me then, and He will be enough for me NOW. I have feared singleness since before I can remember, but even at the young age of 17, I knew that my relationship with God had to be my first priority and I accept Him as the lover of my soul.

To top all it off, I was devastated by the never-ending loss of loved ones. What should have been the greatest year of my life quickly turned into my worst nightmare. I had lost my grandfather and my hero all in an instant. 
I've dealt with loss in so many ways, I can't even put them into words. Loss became an accepted reality for me. I NOW see that loss as gain. God was just clearing my life to bring in new people to work in my heart and life. To teach me how to live a life that shines light into the darkness.

In the midst of the storm, God is the anchor that brings peace to my heart and soul.

Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say:

Learning to be the Light,