I have ALWAYS doubted myself, and before I have even done something, I automatically assume I am incapable of doing it. Weight loss, for instance. I have been a debbie downer over my weight for longer than I can remember. I have only ever been able to see the here and now ... not what I am actually capable of doing.

In my defense, most people who have known me have always doubted me {aside from my family}. It didn't help that I doubted myself at every turn. I can't help but ask myself why I still doubt what I am capable of it. I could always feel people looking down on me because of my age. that I was too young. always too something. Just as much as everyone else might have looked down on me, I can't blame them. I was already looking down on myself instead of embracing the opportunities that God has set before me. And see how He has set me up for success not failure. He wants to use me as an example in my speech, in my life, in my love, in my faith, and in my purity. He wants to use me. shortcomings and all.

The following is a list of things that I have accomplished that I NEVER thought possible:
Hearin Intern
Graduate School

And really ... that's only the big things. There were a million other little things that seemed out of my reach, but somehow God brought me through and used me for His glory.. I know He only does it to prove just how MIGHTY and ALL-POWERFUL He is. I give Him the glory for all of that above. {all of it}. He gets all the glory.

Well, back to my weight. Once again. all the glory to God for the small amount of weight I have lost so far. And to top it off, I have been somewhat training for a 5k {that I haven't even registered for yet}, and even when I started, I doubted if I could ever actually accomplish this so impossible out of reach task. Well, I am on week 6 out of 8 and to my surprise, the dumb app actually wants me to run more every day. What was I thinking? Anyway, I have been putting off this 20 minute run for the past week {somewhat due to the holiday and somewhat due to my fear}. I even went so far as to re-run the previous day as an avoidance behavior. Well, Friday I decided to face my fears and attempt the impossible. the dreaded 20 minute run. I got on the treadmill with knots the size of my fist in my stomach. I just knew I couldn't do it. no way. not possible. I had already failed in my mind. {mind=biggest enemy} Despite my fear, I started to run, and lo and behold, 20 minutes later, I was the proud finisher of the 20 minutes run. Praise be to God. I was begging Him for mercy the entire time. There were still moments during those 20 minutes that I would start to panic with thoughts filled with can'ts, won'ts, and nots, and I had to immediately start pleading with God to carry me though. to give me the strength.

I cannot even begin to express the feeling of accomplishment that I had at the end of that fateful run. PRAISE GOD. that is really all I can say. He deserves all the glory and more. I am filled with JOY. because He is working in me. He is using me. He is revealing Himself to me. little ole me. He fills me with joy. I am so much to be thankful for, and I refuse to doubt myself any longer. I can do anything that I set my mind to as long as God is on my side. He will never give up on me; therefore, I refuse to give up on anything. I will fight the good fight. I will press on toward the goal He has set before me. I will lead a life that is holy and pleasing to Him. I will do anything through Him who gives me strength. I will share His light. I will show His joy.


Learning to be the Light,