Look Out Below

This may be a little shocking to some people, but despite my 4 years in a leadership program (2 of those as the intern), I never once had to do a trust fall. To be perfectly honest, even if they had told me to, I probably wouldn't have. Have you ever done a trust fall? It's not that I'm afraid of falling, because I do that ALL the time ... seriously, my middle name should have been clumsy. I'm not even afraid of most awkward team-building activities like this, because I have just about done them all. I'm typically only afraid of things that slither or move such as reptiles/bugs. This trust fall thing consists of a somewhat high platform with {randos} standing in a line facing each other with arms linked. Well, the only other thing I'm afraid of is trusting people. The thing that frightens me the most is that trusting those people on the ground who are supposed to catch me. I mean ... get real ... people I barely know are expected to catch me (overweight and all) before I hit the ground. NO THANK YOU. What makes this worse? I was one of those people waiting to catch someone one time. Supposedly you stand there with arms linked and such, but here came this over 6 foot tall guy, and wham ... epic fail. And I say again ... NO THANK YOU! I don't trust anyone that much. We can dissect my {people} trust issues at a later date, but for now ...

This leads me to the question of the hour: Do I trust God? and I mean "really" trust God? I know I've talked about this before, but I'm gonna tell you just how (un)trusting I am. I just want to be real ... you are not getting a {fake} version of me on here. If anything, you are probably getting more truth here than you will anywhere else. I never want to be perceived as if I'm perfect or holier than thou, because although I write about truths that God is teaching me, that doesn't mean that He's not gonna have to teach me those same lessons at least 5 more times before they sink in. Sorry ... back to the story. As stated in a previous post, I'm going out of the country in just 22 days, and this trip costs $2500. I'm sure if you didn't know that already, your jaw probably just dropped a few feet. Well, pick it back up and let's move on with the story ... I've lost count of the number of times I have had to raise money to travel overseas. Every time God tells me that I'm supposed to go somewhere, He provides in miraculous ways. So you may ask why on earth would I doubt that He would provide again? I don't know. If I knew, I would tell you, but for some reason, money just freaks me out. It's daunting to know that you are supposed to go overseas on a trip that you can't afford and just trust that the money is going to appear out of nowhere. Awhile back I wrote a post here about how I had like 4 problems standing in my way. Every obstacle was so clearly moved out of my way leaving one single obstacle in my way. Money. Money. Money. Here is the bad part that makes me sound so faith{less}. At the summer orientation for this trip, I asked my small group to pray about the money stuff, BUT I had a plan B just in case God forgot to do His thing. That's the awful part. I'm such an anal planner. I love to have everything planned down to how I am going to spend every minute of the day. Yep, I'm that serious about it. I had an entire PLAN B detail for detail worked out for what I was gonna do to ensure I went on this trip. I was basically going to empty my entire bank acct (which isn't much to brag about to begin with) and take out student loans for the rest of it. {extreme. I know} I had a plan to ensure my success. I'm such a joke.

Long story short. LHBC donation+entire bank acct+student loans+ ? = me being short $800. That was it ... that was all I had. From the beginning, I told God that if He wanted me to go, He had to provide the money. Like I also mentioned in the previous blog post linked above, my mom doubted that I could come up with the money on my own. I told my parents that I didn't want a dime from them. I knew that if this was God's will that He would provide in His timing. Well, I knew this {I really did}, but I could not help but doubt Him deep down. My mom and I had just talked on Saturday about how much money I needed now to send in to the company. My last hope was the precious family I've found at Artesia Baptist Church. Their prayer support was an absolute given. And they offered to take up a love offering for me on Sunday. I've never been so thankful in my life. I didn't know what to expect. I don't see myself as entitled to deserve such generous people who are willing to sacrifice in order to help me go, but I was praying with all my heart that this would happen. {Oops, long story not so short} Seriously ... skip to the end. God provided. These wonderful people who have taken me into their arms like one of their own provided the exact amount I needed plus more.Just enough that I don't have to take out any more loan money. {HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!} When I made the decision to go back, I closed my eyes, and fell backward into the arms that will never let me fall. What a great God we serve.

Now if I can only trust Him in every other area. That's a story for another day.

Learning to be the light,