Wanted: Focus

Show me a single, Christian girl who can go to a Christian conference filled with solid, God-fearing men and not think about finding a man/husband, and I'll show you a saint whom I would love to meet and find out her secret.

As you might've guessed, I'm heading to Passion tomorrow morning ... Well, kind of today considering the time. I am so excited, because I have been trying to go for the past 5 years since I heard one of my high school friends talking about her experience there our senior year. For some reason, God has very clearly closed that door every year since. I traveled to East Asia for Christmas two times, and when I finally had the time free, I just had this unsettling feeling about going. That year despite my clear schedule and desire to go, I didn't. My grandmother passed away the day everyone left for Passion that year. Every year God has closed the door, but finally, I get to attend this amazing conference.

Unfortunately, with this comes what I mentioned at the beginning of this post: the innate curse of man hunting. Satan knows my weaknesses and uses them to his full advantage by distracting me from listening to God. I mean at first you think, "well, it is harmless to be aware and open to meeting someone" and "well, you're looking in the right places." But sooner or later (which for me is always sooner) it will end up consuming me. Every guy I see becomes a potential relationship. This is probably making me sound a little crazy, but I'm in such desparate need for some blinders. Seriously, when I go to these things, I pray that God would give me blinders like those horses wear. Gosh. Where could I find a pair of those? Well, I'm pretty sure I would make a definite fashion statement with that, but I'm being so for real .. I would do ANYTHING to keep this curse from distracting me from what God has to say to me during this time. Songs like "Our God," "God of this City," "I'm Waiting Here for You," and many other powerful worship songs have come from these passion conferences, and I refuse to miss out on God moving in my life due to my weaknesses. I think one of my greatest problems is that I'm a people watcher. I can be in a very good conversation, and I'm still gonna be glancing around watching other people. It's in this habit, where I end up searching out that Mr. Right. What a tragedy.

God, please forgive me for my one track mind and my inability to focus on you and you alone. My heart longs and desires to seek you and and to be in your presence, so why do I sabotage this by allowing my eyes to wander. Give me the ability to block out all distractions. Reveal yourself to me.

Learning to love,